Seeking Gold Stars
Truth moment...
How many of you find yourself looking for validation and approval from people around you?
Hi, My name is Sarah and I'm a recovering validation addict.
I grew up in a household with a parent who would often call out my flaws, tell me what a disappointment I was, and make me pay for what she determined were my mistakes. She would spread stories about me to others that would reflect me in a negative light. I would feel isolated and abandoned in many ways.
However, when I'd do something good, something right, I'd receive her love, praise, and happiness. Those moments were like striking delicious, ice cold water in the midst of a desert. They also kept me in a state of placing my value and worth in validation and pleasing others.
Can you relate to my story? I have a feeling many of you can.
I grew up in an environment where I was conditioned to take everything personally. In so many ways, we all are.
How does this kind of conditioning evolve over time as one grows into adulthood? The answer: Perfectionism.
I began to claim my power back when I began to recognize the harmful pattern of perfectionism and the damage it was creating in my life.
I had to learn to stop spreading myself thin by learning how to say "No". To stop showing up for everybody else's needs over my own.
I had to learn to tell myself, "It's okay, it's good enough, let it be."
It took allowing my dishes to pile up in the kitchen or a bit of clutter into my home, after living with a parent who was OCD, while restraining myself from putting it away or cleaning it up out of fear that I was lazy or dirty person. I let myself choose when and how I want to live, I get to claim my space. Dirty dishes or a pile of papers doesn't mean I am a lesser person.
It took slowing down and allowing myself the permission to be alone and set boundaries for myself in order to break the "people pleasing" cycle.
It took speaking my truth and learning how to let go of the need to caretaker other people's emotions.
It took being aware of my inner child who had grown accustomed to seeking validation from others.
It takes living the agreement, "Don't take things personally."
And I'm still learning. I'm still stretching and growing in this area. The times when I fail and get caught up in praise or rejection, my awareness reveals the pattern to me in a quicker time. I bounce back faster, like a muscle, and find myself getting stronger in this area day by day, year by year.
There are many ways in which taking things personally manifests in your life. Now is the time to do the inner work and free yourself by learning how to live the agreement: Don't take anything personally.
